Sophia seemed fine. She woke up, she played, she kissed her mother goodbye as she went off to work. But I know she didn’t sleep very well either as she asked for a nap at around 11:30. which is shocking because she hates sleep in any form. But I suppose when you're tired enough you'll ask for sleep. that's the way of the world.
It is very hard to do what you need to do when you're tired, and in pain. that's for sure. you feel as though you'll just fall apart if you start something. You feel like if you get up to move, your legs will snap off, or your head will explode from the splitting headache you have. My body was so stiff this morning, I couldn't look down at my feet. It was quite painful.
so what the hell am I talking about? I'm not sure. I just know that being in pain like this is very difficult. I'm glad that I don't have to live with it every day. I'm glad that I'm a healthy guy, and if i sleep in some type of a reasonably comfortable environment I'll feel just fine. If there is one thing I have always been truly blessed with its my health. I've been extremely healthy my entire life and I'm very glad for it.
As many of you know, my wife has Celiac disease, and its been really hard for her to deal with. Not so much the food part: I love to cook, and I keep her belly full of delicious home cooked meals 7 days a week. The bigger issue for her is that it seems that gluten isn't her only issue, or she's so sensitive to it that even skin contact with it can make her sick for 3 days or more. It's really depressing for her, because we can't really go out to eat, we have to very carefully choose where we go based on our gluten issues, and if she gets sick, she's bedridden for a few days, feeling like she has the worst stomach bug you've ever heard of. It's really rough not only on the body, but on you mentally as well. I know that she feels down sometimes, and some days she just wants to stay in bed and not go to work, but she goes, and she's incredibly strong.
The mental anguish is real, though. How do you get through life when you can't go places your friends want you to go? Our Date nights are usually spent at home, or cooking at a friend's house. We are forever reading the backs of cereal boxes, shampoos, lipsticks, makeups, to make sure that its something that Stef can use or eat. It's a difficult thing to deal with.
I try my best. I scratch cook everything. Sauces, soups, all special spice mixtures, all from scratch. Ketchup. We just recently found that most store brand ketchup is easier on her stomach than Heinz, so we've switched to that. I even have had to scratch make mustard. It wears on me as well. I get tired of constantly cooking from scratch. I get tired of the 30 minute conversation with the Chinese takeout guy of "no really, she'll get incredibly sick, please no gluten." I get tired of constantly reading ingredients on everything, and looking at every food that she eats. its really hard. But It important for her health, and I'm glad I can help keep her safe through my experience cooking. I'm glad I can make her healthy food that doesn't make her sick. But its hard for both of us. I can't imagine how hard it is for her, though.
Stef is sick most of the time. She feels sick to her stomach, or she has a headache, or shes just really tired. She tells me, and I know its true. I don't know what to do about it, though. This makes me very upset, because I want nothing more in the world than for my wife to feel OK. I want her to feel better, and to be happy, and healthy. But we aren't there yet, and the doctor's don't know how to stop it yet, either.
I really felt sick today. I didn't want to get up. I loafed around the house. I took a nap. This was only one day for me, though. It was a single day of me feeling bad. Just one. and I fell apart. I still feel terrible. I'm writing my blog post about 8 hours later than I usually do. I' hazy headed. I don't feel quite right still. I can't imagine feeling like this all the time. I can't imagine constantly being afraid of the food I eat, or being worried that I’ll be sick when I'm out with friends. I truly feel for her, and wish it could be better.
The hardest thing for us right now, is that people don't understand gluten allergies. They think its a fad, or a diet, or that she's "just saying that" to stick to some diet or ritual. Sometimes people think that gluten is hidden in random fruits and vegetables. Sometimes people will feed her gluten at a restaurant anyway, thinking that its "just for a diet." We've had it all happen. This makes it all the harder. There's no way for me to help with that. I wish there was.
Its amazing to me that my wife has gone through life feeling generally sick like this for YEARS. its been just over a year since we figured out her allergy. and It's been a great year for her. She lost a lot of weight, she feels a lot better, and things are on the mend. But its still hard. Its hard for her to go to work feeling this shitty each day. Its hard for her to say no to friends when they want to go out. Its hard for her to not be afraid of food. Its all hard and Just feeling crappy today reminded me of that. So hat's off to you, beautiful wife. A delicious gluten free home cooked meal is waiting for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment