Now here we are 6 years later and we have a house, a beautiful daughter, and everything we could really ask for. It's been a long and crazy ride, and I'm glad to be here with her. in fact that might be the biggest understatement of my life. If it wasn't for her, I would not have come as far as I have, and I would not be where I am today. We're an incredible team, and I've learned an immense amount about love and relationships along the way. I've also learned about accounting, family finances, how to enjoy your free time, how to start a business, why you always need to do little things for your spouse, as well as about 4 million other things I'll probably eventually share on the pages of this blog.
The funny thing about our relationship is it started off pretty much terribly. She was still kind of dating a guy halfway across the state, and she kind of had to go get some stuff from him 3 weeks after we started dating. I was still very much in "bro" mode from college (we were of course still in college at this point) and I wasn't as affectionate, or loving, or caring as I needed to be. we bucked heads. we fought. she threatened to leave me. I threatened to leave her. It was hard. It was aggravating. It almost fell apart about a billion times. And that's why we're so strong today.
We went through job losses. we went through horrible business deals that cost us way more than they should. we went through horrible knock down, drag out fights. and In the end, really only in the past year or two, we've discovered...or at least I've discovered...that shes the only one I have. Its more important for me to devote my time to her than anyone else on the planet, save our little girl.
In these past 6 years I've gone from bartender, to restaurant manager to owner of a construction company to internet salesman, to financial advisor to staff accountant to god knows where. I've been all around the place insofar as my goals, my passions, and my dreams. The whole time she's been there to support me, to help me make the right choices, and to help me keep a level head. It's been invaluable. to me. In these past 6 years I've seen her go from a sassy girl from college who was stunningly beautiful, timid, and extremely intelligent to a full fledged, powerful mother and wife who can handle literally anything this world throws at her. the stunning beauty has remained: although its become more stately: more refined. And its wonderful to watch her grow in this way into a woman I am so proud to call my wife.
As I sit here drinking coffee, I've been awake since 5 am just thinking about these past 6 years. At times, things seemed so bad I was sure that we would break up, things would fall apart, and we would move onto better things. at times I was sure that this could never work. but what I've come to realize is that a relationship, much like a business or a job, is the synergy of what you place into it. So that's how I've changed. I've worked ever harder at this relationship over the past few years. I've been constantly trying to be better for her, and to do better by her. I've subscribed to blogs about the subject, I've watched videos about it, and I just follow what they say usually. because I'm still bad at romance. I'm still bad at the marriage relationship. I just get too caught up in myself sometimes, and It tears other things apart.
I'm glad I have her. because she showed me that weakness in me, and I'm working to be better at it. I'm learning more and more every day about how I can be a better person for her and for our child, and for this family. It's great to have that voice in your ear telling you how to make things right, although sometimes a little harshly. But I think if she wasn't harsh with me I wouldn’t listen. I think that's been my problem all along. people aren’t honest enough with me. If there is one thing that Stef is: its honest. She knows. She will just tell you exactly how it is and pull no punches. Its probably one of the things I admire most about her.
I've been with this wonderful woman for 6 years, and although its a fairly short time in relationship terms, In that time she has grown into a woman and I've grown into a man. We live on our own, we pay our own bills, and we raise our own child. These things were distant thoughts when we started dating in a college dorm 6 years ago. I think that's what has made us so strong. We've grown together. and when you grow together as a couple the bond becomes so incredibly strong its hard to place. its hard to understand. I thought I understood love when I was 21. I thought I understood it when we had been dating for a year. I thought I understood It when we got married. I now can see I'm just starting to understand it as we move into our 7th year together. Love is not just a thing that you have. Its something you grow and cultivate every day. Its something that you work on to keep, and to grow, and to cherish. Its something that needs conscious effort every day to keep alive. Its not just there. It's important to grow with your spouse in this way, and learn what her needs and wants and hopes and dreams are. If you can't do that then your relationship will fail. You need to make sure you're taking a look at these things every day, and doing something about them every day. That's what Love is, its little daily practices you do for someone that shows them how much you care. If you don’t do those how can you say you have love at all?
Its a large revelation for me. I've realized that love isn't really that butterflies feeling you get when you see someone you care about. Its all of the things you did to make that feeling happen. If you don't do those things, how can you expect the butterflies? So do them. Especially on a day like today where its so widely celebrated with hearts and candies and bullshit. Make your loved one a card: fold a piece of paper in half, draw a heart on the front, and write i love you inside. You will be smooched. It will be love. that's what Its all about. Now Imagine if you did something that that for that special someone every day. Perhaps that’s something else I need to add to my daily practice.... Perhaps I need to add more things for her. I think it can't hurt.
Today, we won't be spending "alone time" or doing anything crazy special. We're going to my mother's to visit some friends, to let Sophia play with some of her's, and to enjoy the peace and relaxation for a moment. We’ll probably come home, fold some laundry, and lie down in bed to watch a TV show together. It'll be a spectacularly unspecial day, and it will be perfect. we'll hold hands, we'll watch our daughter play. we'll thank my mother for the hospitality. and we'll come home. It'll be exactly what it should be, because we practice love every day.
Awesome post, Charles. Thanks for sharing. <3
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