Work/Life Balance.

To be honest, I'm not really sure what to write today. After all that I wrote yesterday which was a massive synopsis of everything that I've done of the past 4 years. And It’s been a crazy ride. In those 4 years I've gotten married, bought a house, had a beautiful daughter, and built myself a pretty good resume with some interesting positions in management, finance, and food service.



But who really gives a shit? is there something more to life that I'm missing? I' mean, to be honest, I've noticed lately that I've missed out on some of my favorite pastimes in the past decade because of my desire to do better for myself. I've basically entirely given up guitar, which used to be one of my favorite hobbies. I've also given up almost entirely mountain biking, skiing, an snowboarding. Who can find the time to take an entire day to do one of those things? It's something that I haven't been able to do.



I wish that I could find that time, but it seems that in our society where only constant work is rewarded that its very difficult for one to find the time to do these things if you have a family and a child to care for. I wish I could though...



Maybe I will sometime soon. Maybe I'll find a new way to work and play at the same time, who knows? That’s something I've always wondered about...is there a good way for me to go out, and do the things I love, and still get paid well enough to support my family? Maybe I can write about it like this and get paid... maybe I can make a youtube series...maybe I can make a product. I'm not sure. All I know is that it's truly quite sad to me that even though I'm what many people consider "successful" with a good resume, a college educations and a house and family, that I honestly cant seem to find the time to take a day to ski, or to bike, or to brush off my guitar and plug it back in again for the first time in 5 years...



Maybe that's what I need to do. I bet if i found a new place for me to grow into these fields I could be truly happy. Or maybe I just need to find a job that is less time intensive so that I can have a better balance between loving my family, working, and enjoying things I enjoy. I miss these things dearly and I always imagined myself growing up with these being an integral part of my life and now they're not even on the fringes. my bike is in pieces on my front porch. My guitars have set in their cases except for rare occasions where I tune them and pluck out an odd tune, and I've never plugged in my electric since I sold my half stack and bought a practice amp instead from my friend.



I wish there was a good way to go about this...perhaps it would make more sense for me to give them up altogether.... but I hope that’s not the answer, I really love these things...or at least I did before my life got away from me in a mad dash to constantly be better all the time.



I need to find some more means of true, honest enjoyment. I need to find them. I have been getting enjoyment lately from very silly, simple things like video games, and small times I have to enjoy my friends. To have a full life I don't feel like this is enough. Of course my biggest source of joy is my family, which is truly amazing and if you haven't experienced the joy of having a family that loves you I sincerely insist you go out and make a family. It don't mean get married and have a kid though. I mean make a group of friends and invest in them. That's a family.  Show them you care, show them that you're going to be there for them. Its amazing how quickly these types of relationships pay you dividends. Having a close knit group of friends who will do anything for you is one of the greatest joys in the world. Being able to give them back that same respect and commitment is even better. Do it. Now. Find those friends tha tmean the most to you and invest in them if you don't have them yet, find them. People like to be liked. Its easier than you think. And you'll feel like a million bucks.






But beside that, how can I find that correct work-life balance Do I need to find a different career? can I still make enough money to support my family? These things honestly scare the ever loving shit out of me. because what If I can't? what If I lose my house, and my wife, and my child? these are real fears to me. But I think its also important that I'm happy as well, that I have time for things I've put aside for a decade, and I make them all fit together so I can truly enjoy my life, because I can tell you  now, for the past 3 years or so I really haven't been all that much  and that’s a hard revelation to come to.



Making money is great. Being successful is great. but without any golden ring to grab each time you go around the f wheel, there's no real reason after a point. I mean, making all the money in the world doesn’t help you if you don’t have the time to spend it on things you want to DO. I'm not going to say things you want to BUY, because I'll tell you now you'll always find time to buy things you want to buy. the unopened boxes of tools and car parts in my basement are a testament to that. a testament to my exhaustion, and how it just depresses me more I cant find the energy or time to install them or use them ( cars is another pastime of mine) but how can this change for ME?!



I have no idea yet. do I need to do a work from home thing? is that really a time saver? when I look at the super successful internet guys like Tim Ferris, or the youtubers, or anyone like that, it seems that they're working 50-80 hour weeks themselves. except they get to do 30 hours of that work in their PJS.  A novelty, for sure, but I'm not sure if that's the real answer. Making money on your own is hard. and its made even harder when your venue for money-making is a place where you're consonantly barraged with distractions and opportunities to spend money instead of make it. The internet is a hard mistress. I'm sure Heinlein would agree.



So maybe not. Do I start a consulting business, so I can take time off during the day to do what I want? Do I have the abilities to do so? will anyone hire me? what the fuck will I even consult in?  I could do financial advice, but that's an expensive field to get into and very difficult to succeed in when you hang out your own shingle as well. and we've come full circle to the 80 hour week once again.



This is a real conundrum, and maybe its one that I can't see clearly because I'm writing this before my first cup of coffee this morning as my daughter is quietly eating grapes watching TV and I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity. I hope so. I know it can be done. I need to find out how, though. Or maybe it can't be and all those pictures of successful guys jet setting around the world is bullshit. God I hope its out there, though.